Music plays in the background, slow and sweet worship songs with lyrics rich in love. I sit in a white fabric chair in a circle of women who are mostly strangers to me but who all really love Jesus.
We sit or stand and sing or listen or pray, our hearts' and minds' attention on Him. Resting in the Lord is the theme of our worship time.
My mind wanders to conversations of the day. Resting in Him.
I remember talking to Christine, our conversation about this season in life in which I don't have a full time job, or even a part time job. I struggle with feeling lazy and wondering if people judge me or talk about me. On my off days, I sit at home and watch Netflix and slowly piece together decorations for my home. This time in life, I told Christine, is bringing out my inner couch potato.
I feel frustration because I believed I was supposed to wait for this part time job, and I did wait. And I interviewed. And I didn't get the job. Wasted time, I thought. Why did God ask me to wait? Did He even ask me to wait? Why am I not on my time table and on track for my standard of productivity?
Christine gently reminded me of a time in her life when she didn't work. She didn't feel guilty for it, she explained, and she recalled how she had worked nonstop for years before getting this brief break. She reminded me how I've been working nonstop for years, too. Since high school, really. Always going, always having something going on outside of school or work, always working with a full schedule.
This, she said, is a season of rest, and that's okay, and it's not something to feel guilty about.
My mind wanders back to the present, as I sit and listen to worship music and bring my thoughts before God. I bring my pondering over the topic of rest to Him.
This is what comes to mind: a picture of Mary sitting at Jesus' feet. This, Jesus says, is the better portion.
Here is a season for this.
To sit at My feet. To be, just be with Me.
Living like Mary doesn't just mean a day out of the week or a moment out of a day. It doesn't mean learning to set aside time for Sabbath amidst a lifestyle of overbooking. No, right now it means a lifestyle of rest. A whole, complete season of rest.
I asked to learn to be still, and here I am in this season of rest.
Here is the better portion, He says. It will not be taken away from you. It is not wrong to enjoy rest and not to have a full time job or part time job or regular volunteer hours. There's no need to feel guilty, for here is a biblical example of how I asked one woman to cease her working and simply be with Me.
People will say there still is work to be done. People will say we have to balance sitting at My feet and doing the practical work. People will say to juggle these two things: rest and work. But what do I say in the Scripture?
I say Mary has chosen the better portion, and it will not be taken away from her. Can I not take care of the work that needs to be done? Can I not take care of the cleaning, and the cooking, and the bills? Can I not take care of the hosting and preparing and presenting? Am I not the Lord God?
Here, here in this moment, I find rest, and I find hope. To have a Mary season and not a Mary moment, to have months of jubilee. To have days simply to sit at His feet and be with Him.
This is not something to feel guilty for, but only something to be grateful for.